He invited his friend over and placed the machine on the table. “Ask me anything,” he said. His friend smiled. “Did you eat the last slice of pizza yesterday?” “No.” The machine immediately screamed: “LIAR!” The man jumped. “Wait! This thing actually works?” His friend laughed. “Obviously.” The man pointed at him. “Fine. Your turn.”…
She finally walked over. “Sir, are you looking for a book?” “No.” “Then why are you sitting here?” “I’m waiting.” “For what?” He pointed to the huge book in front of him. “This book says it will change my life.” The librarian looked at the cover. “It’s a self-help book.” “Yes.” “And you haven’t opened…
The caretaker watched him carefully. “What are you doing here?” “I came to cut the grass.” The caretaker pointed at the graves. “At this hour?” The man nodded. “I work nights.” The caretaker looked suspicious. “Why would anyone want to mow a graveyard at midnight?” The man smiled. “I like working where nobody complains.” The…
He stared at the note. Naturally, he opened the drawer. Inside was another note: “I told you not to open the drawer.” He looked around nervously. Then he found a third note underneath it: “Seriously. Why don’t you listen?” He laughed. “Very funny.” Then he noticed one final note. It said: “If you are reading…
She stood in front of the mirror and said, “Today is going to be a great day.” Nothing happened. She smiled. “I am positive.” Still nothing. She danced for ten seconds. “Nope.” She tried deep breathing. “Nope.” Then she opened the fridge. There was one slice of chocolate cake left. Her mood changed instantly. Her…
At breakfast, he took pictures. At lunch, he took pictures. At dinner, he took pictures. His friend finally asked, “Why are you taking pictures of everything?” The photographer smiled. “I want to remember every moment.” His friend nodded. “That’s beautiful.” “Thanks.” “Where’s your family?” The photographer looked confused. “What family?” “The people you were having…
He walked into a community hall and saw a sign: SILENCE CONTEST — WIN $500 He immediately joined. The judge explained, “The person who stays completely silent the longest wins.” The man nodded. Ten minutes passed. Twenty minutes. An hour. Finally, another contestant stood up and shouted, “I can’t take this anymore!” The man stayed…
Her daughter looked completely serious. “It’s for emergencies.” Her mother blinked. “What kind of emergency needs a spoon?” “Dessert.” “That’s not an emergency.” The girl shook her head. “You say that now.” Her mother pointed toward the kitchen. “We have ice cream in the freezer.” The girl smiled. “Exactly.” Her mother sighed. “You brought the…
“Take good care of this watch,” he said. His son nodded. “I will.” The next morning, the father saw the boy wearing it. “Good. What time is it?” The boy looked at the watch. “Eight twenty.” His father checked the clock. “It’s eight fifteen.” The boy frowned. “Then why did you give me a watch…
The teacher asked, “Can anyone tell me what the future tense is?” One student raised his hand. “I will.” The teacher smiled. “Excellent. Can you explain it?” The student nodded. “I will.” “Explain it now.” “I will.” The teacher waited. The student smiled. “I told you.” The teacher stared at him. “You’re not answering the…